Why Opposites Sometimes Attract—and When They Don’t

Introduction

We've all heard the saying "opposites attract." But research paints a more nuanced picture. We are often attracted to people who have the traits we lack (complementarity), but we stay with people who share our values (similarity).

The Good Opposites (Complementarity)

These differences can create a strong team:

• Introvert + Extravert: One brings the social energy; the other brings the calm depth.
• Planner + Spontaneous: One ensures the bills are paid; the other ensures life is fun.

The Bad Opposites (Friction)

These differences often lead to long-term conflict if not managed well:

• Openness to Experience: If one person loves change and travel, and the other hates leaving the house, resentment builds.
• Conscientiousness: If one person is messy and the other is a neat freak, it becomes a daily war.

The Verdict

You don't need to be clones. But you do need to respect the differences. If you see your partner's opposite trait as a flaw to be fixed, the relationship will fail. If you see it as a strength that covers your blind spots, it will thrive.